City Spirits

In my dreams, I'm a naturalist witch, living in a hut in the woods with my cats, plants, and books, far from everyone else. (I'm naturally an introvert and love isolation, even though I know it's ultimately not the best for my mental health.) But that's my dreams, unlikely to happen and I'd probably hate it in a year or two if it actually did.

In reality, I grew up in the woods of Massachusetts, although I had plenty of neighbors. I spent my childhood running through forests, climbing trees, and eating fresh vegetables from our land. I tumbled down hills of poison ivy (oops) and splashed in creeks. But after college, I moved to the concrete jungle of Chicago, a place with little nature and no connections for me. From the start, I've been at odds with this city-- so different from home, even from the cities we'd spend day trips in. It wasn't an easy transition. Years later, I still yearn to get out.

Chicago, however, has opened my eyes to things I never experienced back east: I went to my first occult shop where my girlfriend liked to buy crystals; I went to fire ceremonies on the beach for the summer solstice; I got my first tarot card reading; I met more witches than I can even point out to this day. The funny thing is, I went to all these places and events and met all these people, but I willfully ignored what it all really was, because I wasn't ready. Looking back, I laugh, because it's all so obvious.

The incongruous feeling of living in Chicago is, ultimately, what led to me accepting my path. Well, Chicago and New Zealand. I went to New Zealand at the end of 2019 (feels like a lifetime ago now) and I've never, in all my travels and all the places I've called home, felt my soul be so at peace. To say something called to me in New Zealand would be wrong-- everything there called out to me. When I returned, I started making plans-- to move back to nature, to recapture the feeling I felt, the spiritual connection with Mother Earth. As with most plans for 2020, these plans of mine are so far upended-- but I examined, really examined, what my soul needed.

I long for the greenery of New Zealand, of my hometown. I desire open spaces and clear skies. I need a lot that Chicago hasn't offered me-- but it has, in the meantime, provided me with something else. It has provided me with a start, the true start to being myself and understanding how my soul speaks. The practical foundation was found here-- learning that there are others like me around here, those who know how to find the magick in city life and introduce me to a ton of mystical, spiritual, or occult stores to shop and ask questions at. Chicago is also a city with a lot of conflict-- racism, classism, and institutionalized violence divide the city mile by mile in very obvious ways. I've spent my time here participating in protests and working for nonprofits to try to heal the city of some of this strife. Without knowing it, this city has provided me with my soul's purpose in more than one way.

I know that the ultimate answer for my soul isn't here. But until I can make that a reality, I'm learning what Chicago's spirit has to teach me, finally. It's only taken about ten years for me to listen to it.